It's a Wonderful Life!!

The Pick of the Crop

I have some rather good news to share - I have a contract on my house. The miracle of the whole thing is that one offer came in on Wednesday, the other came in on Friday.

OFFER ONE: I was on a business trip to none other than the fine town of Jasper, Alabama. My Sweet Baby Julie (my Realtor) phoned me at dinner. I excused myself and she gave me the offer - we discussed things and decided to place a counter offer. Now this guy did not set well with me from the beginning. He was looking for a home for his daughter, who had just finished grad school. He told me he was "a land developer" and familiar with these things. I said fine. I promptly told him I was a real estate paralegal for 10 years and I was as well. He said fine. They meandered around, asked lots of questions. I would not normally be there, but they had made an appointment from 4-5 on Tuesday and as usual I left. Mr. Man and I got home at 5:30 and I had made his dinner and he was eating when a knock came at the door. It was the Realtor and she said "her people wanted to take a second look" - So Mr. Man and I went on the back porch. By the time I answered his questions Mr. Man had wandered into the 1st parlor to have more Hamburger Helper. The man sat down and said he wanted my chandelier, and what was my bottom line price. I told him the chandelier was going with me because it was an anniversary gift from my deceased husband. And, I told him he was putting me on the spot, to make an offer through his agent - that was the way things are done. Period. He wanted to bring "the wife" to see it. She saw it on Wednesday and they made the offer Wednesday night. The offer was $8K below listing price AND stated the chandelier stayed with the house. Can you believe that after I told him my sentiments about the dang thing.

OFFER TWO: So, I am still back and forth with the Chandelier Guy. Sweet Baby Julie brought another couple to see the house on Thursday (while I was still out of town). And my A/R Guru AJ and the M.U. had the pleasure of meeting the two. This was their description: The guy had long hair and a bushy beard and tattoos everywhere, and the wife had long stringy dark hair with tattoos everywhere. They had 2 children. And said they were very nice and the wife just loved it. And we all know when Mama ain't happy, there ain't nobody happy. So that was a good thing that wife loved the colors and the bearded man claimed to be an "artist", so he loved the back sun porch. Well come to find out he is an artist - he owns a tattoo shop. I have learned thru Sweet Baby Julie that they are actually called Tattoo Parlors. Well, I thought that would be good, he owns his own business. Their offer came in at $2K ABOVE listing price. They knew another offer was on the table.

I accepted the Tattoo Parlor couple's offer yesterday, signed, sealed and delivered. It was a good day for Tattoo lady, because it was her birthday. The only hitch in the whole deal, which may be a HUGE hitch, is that they are not pre-approved for a loan yet - but that should come the middle of next week. So - I am still in the woods right now, but they claim it will all be well.

On the home front - all is not well. I have lost my temper in the worst way. I have said some things that haven't come from my mouth in about 20 years or longer. Sports fans, I lost my composure and it was UGLY. Friday night Mr. Man fell asleep early and Andrew asked if he and 3 of his buddies could sit on the back porch. I saw no harm, so I said OK, but just don't make alot of noise. I worked late and went to bed. The next morning, my billfold was missing with about $300+ cash and 3 credit cards and my drivers license, which I just had to replace because my billfold was stolen on Superbowl Sunday mysteriously.

Sweet Leisa showed up about that time and quickly whisked Mr. Man away from the scene. But I was so distraught I missed one of my bestest buds in the world birthday celebration. Sneakin Sallie Thru the Alley! We bought her a house for her birthday - aren't we the best! Sallie, you really are the bomb of all bombs, my dear friend, the PICK OF THE CROP.

After my hissy fit the rules are that Andrew can't drive the van anymore and he can have NO ONE enter my home. I am still furious, and don't know how to solve this mystery except to put it on the other side and go forward. But I do have a lead from the first thief, he/she used my credit card at a local hotel, which I have called and they have surveillance cameras at the front desk. I am going to view the tape one day next week.

I'm kinda freaking out about the moving - my days are full to overflowing now. But I figure everyone moves, and they just get it done....I will miss my now balanced days, full of serenity and peace.

Our Lord is Good and Provides for us Abundantly, each and every day!

What a blessing!

It's a Wonderful Life, isn't it??

Peace Out........

The Saturday Evening Post - And the Winner Is....

This was a hard one, because there were some good ones, like Marye's son "I don't know when I will get my dignity back??" to "Scat cat, get your tail out of my gravy" by Sallie's mother. But the one that made me laugh out loud (again and again) was Keith's "Tight as Dick's Hatband".  I know I had already mentioned that as one of my mother's sayings, but I figure that anyone who had to grow up and listen to that every time he wore tight jeans out, deserves a couple of coffees from Starbucks. So, Congratulations Keith, the gift card will be in the mail next week.

Not to mention Sid's diatribe about the origin of the phrase. Now that we all are sufficiently versed in the origin, we can rest easy tonight.....It really was fascinating. Thanks Sid for your research prowessness (is that a word?).

On to other worthy tales......

My Mr. Man scored the only points for his team in the hilarious, yet entertaining basketball game. He is on the blue team, but the white team pulled out the victory in a tight 4 to 2 game. He is, along with his team mates, need a little practice in shooting. It was a fine way to spend 45 minutes on a Friday night.

Bunco was, well, a barrel of laughter as usual. I generally leave Bunco shaking my head and saying in my head, "THOSE GIRLS, THOSE GIRLS". I really must start wearing a bra to Bunco, and that's all I have to say about that.....We had the damn best red beans and rice in the whole world. The crown was tight as dicks hatband, meaning it did not make its way to my head. I am on a loosing streak, I couldn't win a block of ice in Alaska right now. But good fortune is smiling on me nevertheless. My arena of gaming is on the fritz........I recently lost 3 games of legitimate Backgammon to Mr. Man, and he narrowly lost at a legitimate game of Scrabble. My friends, that is a sad state when your almost 7 year old almost beats you in Scrabble. I was wrecked.

I have a big green plastic pouch, and two new hand crafted pens I now possess, along with the keys to the condo. Yes, it is officially mine, closing went without a hitch. I am very blessed to be able to live here and I am looking forward to a new beginning. My friend, Leisa, said I was starry eyed when I saw it at the Christmas open house. I have been purging my belongings and deciding what to keep and what to part with. It is kind of sad in a way, parting with things. But I strive to lead a more uncluttered life. I think this will help tremendously. I even made a vow to myself to say NO when asked to do something for a while. There is way too much on my plate right now, and tasks need to be completed before taking on anything else.

Our Lord is good and provides beyond our expectations.

I feel like a lucky and grateful girl tonight!

It is a Wonderful Life!

Peace......

What Color Are You - I'm Catching Up.

You Are a Yellow Crayon

Your world is colored with happy, warm, fun colors. You have a thoughtful and wise way about you. Some people might even consider you a genius. Charming and eloquent, you are able to get people to do things your way. While you seem spontaneous and free wheeling, you are calculating to the extreme. Your color wheel opposite is purple. You both are charismatic leaders, but purple people act like you have no depth.

What Color Crayon Are You?

My Mothers Sayings......A Contest!

My Mother is my best friend. At the ripe ole age of 47, I at long last, can say just about anything to the Motherly Unit, as I refer to her on this blog. She has lived a rather ordinary life, but then again, extraordinary. Six months before she was born, my grandparents built a home for themselves on South 15th Avenue. She lived there all her childhood and many years as an adult. South 15th Avenue is close to the park. She moved away from that house when she was 62 years young. I grew up on South 15th Avenue. I rode my bike every day to the park. I remember the monkeys howling and Miss Hattie wailing (she was the elephant).

One day my dad took myself and Allen to the park. Now outings with my dad by himself were few and far between, he worked all the time and was tired. We went everywhere with Mother. Well, this Saturday was different. We were standing there looking at Miss Hattie, when all of a sudden Miss Hattie lifted her trunk and pointed it at my dad and blew out the biggest ball of snot I have ever seen. That ended the outings with dad. I can look back on that time as a milestone in my life. Just as daddy was getting used to 2 little ones, that damn Miss Hattie had to go off and snot on him. It was quite disgusting. We rushed home to get dad cleaned up and then we took a nap with our shoes on - that was another great event. It was billed as a special treat, to take a nap with our shoes on. I remember a crazy song my dad used to sing to Allen and I, it went like this:

""I knew a girl who was tall and yellow. She slept in the hall with her feet in the cellar.""

Now how strange is that, friends?

Well, speaking of strange, I have been taking note of all the funny, quirky ways the M.U. phrases things. Here are a few:

1. He is as rich as cream.

2. He is wound up tighter than Dicks hat band.

3. He has a fart in his brain.

4. Chicago pronounced "Sha car go"

5. Look what the cats have drug up.

6. He was deader than a doornail.

7. A stitch in time saves nine.

So these are just a few that popped into my head.

This is a challenge, a contest so to speak. The winner will receive a $10.00 gift card from Starbucks coffee.....and everybody loves coffee right??

What is the craziest phrase you have heard your parents say???

Winner announced on Saturday on the Saturday Evening Post.

Good Luck.......

It's a Wonderful Life, and other Worthy Tales.

Peace!

The American Beauty Farce

What can I say about a large Saturday ahead of me. I am enjoying my first cup of coffee for the day, and since it is peaceful and quite around here, which is uncommon, I will sit a spell and enjoy the moment.

Any day, nonetheless, Saturday, is not a great start when awakened by a bail bondsman at 5:14 in the morning, but this is how this Saturday began. So the charge is "DUI, other" what the dickens is that?, I ask. Details are still hazy,but the nephew, the boarder, not paying board, was picked up in the wee hours of the morning for DUI, OTHER. Now isn't that a strange charge?? I just really could not get into the details. You know how it goes, you can't see the forest from the trees. I'm not into details at this point.

So, I close on the condo next Friday. I will not move until I get packed - which may be a month of Sundays. But I press forward, packing my boxes and going thru my stuff of some 17 years in my home. Some is the on-going garage sale, some charity, and some packed and put at my warehouse. I hope to be in my new pad end of the month or beginning of March. I am thinking about contacting one of these estate sale merchants and just liquidating all my worldly possessions and starting afresh. I have a few pieces of furniture I will keep, but much of it is on the way out. The plan is to make this move as easy as possible and with not much fanfare.

Mr. Man's first basketball game was last night. Now if you don't think it a riot to see 1st and 2nd graders playing 1/2 court basketball - then please join me for the next 4 Friday nights. Yes, my Friday nights are full and fun, sportsfans. He thinks he is quite the athlete - a big boy who wants to grow up to be a professional basketball player. He is quite aggressive on the court, it's all out game time for him. Those little rosy checks and eager spirit make this mother proud! He was fouled twice......did I say aggressive? He is a shooter as well, but he doesn't hog the ball or anything - if someone has an opening, he passes the ball. I hate to burst his bubble, but I prefer the baseball - and the season is right around the corner......and I am so excited. He will be the youngest player on the team this year - but he will still get some action. My son, the athlete. He definitely gets that from the A.F., not me. Of course he gets his sweet spirit and winning smile from me. The athlete and gift of gab come from the "Y" chromosome.

Speaking of which, and can I rant a moment........digressing, the A.F. still owes me a substantial amount of money, and hasn't paid one dime for child support since June, 2007. That is a crying shame in my humble opinion. What the heck is he thinking?? Or could it be he is not.......thinking. What could possible be strolling thru his mind? The M.U. used to have a saying and I think it now appropriate.......He has a fart in his brain. Nuff said.

The contractors, Preacher Paul and and son are finished - they came and rolled some plastic liquid stuff on my roll roof where is was still leaking (with our torrential rains lately, I have not been happy) yesterday. There is still a glitch in the 2nd bathroom light switch. Sometimes it wants to come on and then there are days when it doesn't want to come on. Preacher Paul asked me how my St. Joseph was working. I said not very good....But in all reality, I have not diligently prayed over my St. Joseph as instructed. My friend, Becky, did, and her house sold after being on the market for 8 months. My time will come, but really, I hope it is not until I can get most of my stuff moved. I hate time pressure, and want everything to fall into place gracefully.

I have not blogged in forever. It feels good to write again. It is my therapy - among many. Two weeks ago plus, I had strep throat, and I swear it took me two weeks to get over it. I went to the doctor for the second time last Tuesday and he said the combination of recovering from West Nile and Strep were taking some time to get over. I did not bounce back as expected. I don't particularly like to complain about symptoms I still have, but that damn West Nile is serious stuff. I still get the all over burning sensation that nothing but rest seems to help. I require plenty of sleep. It is something I simply have to accept and deal with. It's OK, because I like to sleep and feel rested. But good grief - I get 10 hours in almost every night. Sometimes I feel lazy, but I guess that is OK also - but the panic has sort of set in what with a move looming over me.

I've lost my wallet. I prayed to St. Anthony, that little prayer about something is lost and cannot be found, turn around and you'll find it there. Well I have been turning flips. I lost it on Superbowl Sunday. Now I have to go to the trouble of getting a new drivers license and new credit cards. I really feel it is simply lost in some deep cave somewhere, because I have been watching my credit cards and there is no action. Not to mention the cash I had in there, which I have no idea how much. But I will not fret anymore about it - I will go to the dang Highway Patrol Drivers License office (which I dispise) and get a new one.

I will dedicate this blog to my all time favorite movie American Beauty, for every character in this wonderful, academy award winning flick is flawed, but still finds the beauty in the most obscure everyday happenings. And some are pretty extreme, friends. You gotta see this one. You really owe it to yourself if you think you are converging on the normalcy side of life. It will surely open your eyes on how WE others live.

We also have Big Love here, and it is all good.    

It's a Wonderful Life, isn't it???

Peace Out.

Big Love

My Contractors are finished, for the most part. I have a punch list, which includes a leaky roof and a broken kitchen cabinet. Mr. Man decided to climb up on the counter for something......so he used the cabinet door like a ladder. It broke. Brad and Preacher Paul made a brief appearance to pick up the door and survey the leak. I have used these guys for all my renovations: bathroom, sun porch, they even built my patio, which I love. I will suffice it to say that their work ethic has slacked off a tad. But all is well, they are ever attentive to my demands, no matter how great they be. They are fairly entertaining - especially if you wish to debate religion - which should really not be a debate at all - and I told Preacher Paul just that. But he is literalistic, and things are black and white to him.

You see, I am more of a gray type individual. I have the blessing of seeing both sides to most things. I do have my opinions, you see, but over the years I have mellowed and simmered some. On the other hand, this has gotten me in a shit-pile from time to time.

The Motherly Unit and myself drove Allen to the airport last Friday. It was a tearful departure. I have mixed feeling about this, but the only thing I can come up with is HALLELUJAH JESUS! He will do better out of Swan City. This is not a good place for him. It was quite the fiasco at the airport - what with the poundage limitation on checked bags. So, I stood dutifully with my arms out lifted as he puttered through his bags to expel 26 pounds. Now can I just mention that he has boo-hooed beginning at Wiggins and was still wailing away...... The M.U. and I just stood there in awe, dumbfounded. He was making quite the spectacle of himself, my friends. I could have crawled under the baggage cart and sucked my thumb until his plane took off. But I remained calm, and resolute. I really thought he wasn't going to make the flight to begin with. The check in attendant gently said you better hurry to your gate. So he bear hugged the M.U. first, and that was a big to-do. Then he bear hugged me, and that was a bigger to-do. He hurried off to the escalator and the M.U. and I ran to our car........., not looking back........... and carefully opened our bottle of the finest Champagne the Blue Moon Liquor Store carried.... and sipped our way home. My friends, it was a glorious moment, that Friday morning.

Well, that was all fine and good. Then Saturday came and I had to face the music. Once again, it is left up to me and mom to clean up his mess. I hired painters (not my contractors) and the work has begun. Sweet Leisa is helping me, well, she is actually doing most of the work while I tend to the office. Then I go over to scrub walls and wash windows, mop floors and wonder how in the world I am going to rent this house. The pool is algae green and looks more like a duck pond. I will take a sample to the pool doctor very soon. As of today - the house looks pretty darn good. The 3" crack down the living room wall is filled, sanded and painted. The Red Room is going Green. My plan is to scrape the walls in the kitchen and prepare them so the painters can finish. I will leave the sanding to them.

My painter's name is Mr. Leotha - I like him. He is a jolly fellow with 2 sons that help. I like saying his name. I was singing the old Hee Haw song - remember this: "Gloom, Despair, Agony on me, deep dark depression, excessive misery" - well Mr. Leotha started howling, just like they did on Hee Haw. You should've heard that, my friends.

Can you believe I just admitted to watching Hee Haw, oh my Lord. I really may be losing my composure.

I am having a garage/yard/house sale next weekend. We are preparing this weekend, along with my preparing the kitchen walls. It should be a lovely time - I really can't wait till the weekend rolls around. Come by if you like "stuff" you may even find something you like. A girl has to do what a girl has to do to pay the bills, right?

Garage/yard/house sales are not really a comfortable thing for me. I may have attended a couple my whole life. My former mother in law lived for a garage sale. She would arise bright and early every Saturday morning to make the rounds. I thought it CRAZY, and a tad obcessive. Did you know garage sales are listed in the paper? This will be great. Maybe I'll become addicted or something like that. My friends, if my prescence can't be found on a Saturday morning, you have my complete permission to seek medical/psychiatric help for me. Well come to think of it, I already have that covered, just ask them to increase my dosages, OK??

But all is well with the world. Mr. Man is doing great and I have Big Love.

Let me just take the opportunity to say that God is excessively good.

It's a Wonderful Life - And Another Worthy Tale.......

Peace Out!

The Saturday Evening Post - The Big Mess, Politics and a little Football

Things are a big mess around here. My office is being painted and there are drop cloths on all my office equipment. I uncovered my computer, because, well, I enjoy my computer. Mr. Man's room is all covered up as well.

The Preacher Paul and son, Brad, my contractors, worked some today - arriving at 10:30 - just 30 minutes after I woke up. Some work was started, but nothing completed. Brad has gone from "I'll have you finished up by the end of the day on Friday" to "I think I'll come in on Sunday if you don't mind, to get your office finished - I know you will need to be there for Monday morning". Ya think????? Yes, Monday's are the big day around here. I set production for the plant and take orders from my vendors. I am on the computer and phone most of the day. I am grateful Brad is willing to go the extra mile for me.....

Just for the sake of Preacher Paul, I announced I was going outside to pray over St. Joseph, but I would be right back. It makes him crazy, so I like to get in the nudge. He told me today that if someone came by in the next couple of days, and offered me full price for my house, it would make a believer out of him. My expectations are not that high, but it would be nice, just to get a jab in for Preacher Paul. Older folk are sometimes set in their ways and thoughts, it would be nice to make an old dog see some new tricks. But I prayed over my buried 6 inches deep, in a plastic burial bag, upside down, facing the street, St.Joseph Statue. Preacher Paul said it was idolatry and he would be bringing me a zodiac calender soon.  He likes to jab too.

I am wrecked over the Pittsburgh Steelers loss tonight. It was a brutal game, hard hits, lots of squabbling on the field, the whole enchilada. It is the playoffs, and I would have loved to see the Steelers go a little further. They have this fellow named Davenport on their team, but we are no relation. Mr. Man would love to boast about being related to some of those athletic Manning boys, but he isn't.

Have you been following the latest on the political scene?? I am really shocked that Obama won the Iowa Caucus. Hillary came in 3rd, but remember, she was only .2% behind John Edwards, so I consider that a tie. I had predicted John Edwards would win, but what do I know?

In the Republican arena, Huckabee handily won the caucus vote in Iowa. The Motherly Unit has been glued to CNN, well, when not watching Law and Order or  CSI.  This Huckabee fellow was a Baptist minister in Arkansas. He is articulate and I like his agenda. Check out his issues, see where he stands and judge for yourself. He was Governor in Arkansas for 10 1/2 years and when he left, Arkansas had a huge surplus in the budget. I like his tax ideas and immigration plan - he says, put a dang camera on the borders - now that is a novel idea!! But Mitt Romney is ahead in some polls. Now my Mormon Boyfriend, Starling, is about as good a guy as they come, but I just don't see a Mormon being elected as President, do you??? Of course, I don't agree with every little Huckabee thing - but that is just the way it is! Enough about politics.........the M.U. taught me well - in some instances, it is better not to talk about politics or religion with some folks. Once again, this is MY blog and I can talk about anything I want!

It is late and I am tired, so I will just sign off in my usual way:

It's a Wonderful Life!

Peace.

Contractors Make Me Crazy!

When I first put my house on the market, I had several small things around the house that needed updating and fixed. Here is my punch list:

1. Install new cabinet sink and toilet in spare bathroom.

2. Install vinyl flooring in small hallway between my office and Mr. Man's bedroom.

3. Fill in mortar in brick where century old oak tree skimmed my house.

4. Install shoe molding in hallway and both bedrooms.

5. Jack up SE corner of house where it had settled.

6. Fix cracks in office where that side of house had settled.

7. Paint office, Mr. Man's ceiling and ceiling in 1st parlor.

Now this list doesn't seem overwhelming or even monstrous to me. Probably the jacking up SE corner of house was the most demanding - but this only took them (2 men working) 1 day.

So, this is their schedule: Arrive between 10 and 11. Work a couple of hours and then take an hour lunch break. They did not work Christmas Eve or the day after Christmas. They did not work New Years Eve or the day after New Years. And they leave about 30 minutes before dark.

Heck that is better than bankers hours!

So, it is 11:31 as I look at my clock and no show yet. Before they left, Brad told me "we'll be here between 8 and 8:30, so we won't have to work so long on Saturday".

I gave them a deadline of FINISH NO LATER THAN MONDAY - REALTORS WILL BE HERE TUESDAY MORNING!

End of Week 3 that should have taken 1 week to complete.....

My beef with them and anyone else for that matter is DO WHAT YOU SAY WHEN YOU SAY YOU WILL DO IT. This is not so difficult. This is no new idea or new way of thinking. It is your honor at stake here.

Like my Mother used to tell me - your word is your honor. Period.

It really is a Wonderful Life, I'm just aggravated right now, and this is MY FORUM TO BITCH!

Peace Out!

All Hail to St. Joesph.....

  I will bury MY St. Joseph Statue tomorrow. I ordered him on a website - "The Complete St. Joseph Kit" - I got the small one, he is 3" tall and an ivory color. You can read about it on Snopes.

I had never heard of this St. Joseph thing. Nor have most of the other folks I have talked with. My smart and funny bookkeeper, Trish, told me about this. She was reared Catholic and went to Catholic Schools. Then I asked Mr. Man and he thought he had heard something about it at school. That Catholic upbringing sometimes scares me. But Trish claims it to be true and if Trish says so, then it is the Gospel in my book.

So Trish and her beloved wanted to sell their house. She went out and bought herself one of those "Complete St. Joseph Kits". She buried her St. Joseph and three days later had a contract on her house when it was on the market briefly. Then after she packed some 95 boxes or so, her beloved decided he kinda liked their house. So, they got out of the contract rather quickly.

So, this is the deal, and I find it rather amazing and mystical. You bury this guy (statue) head down, facing the street, in his burial plastic and say a prayer over him for nine days straight.

My contractor happened to be over here when he arrived. He is doing a few updates and repairs so a buyer will just fall in love with my house. Paul is a retired Presbyterian minister. I made the mistake of asking him about this Catholic practice to aid a homeowner in selling their home. He thought it to be hogwash. What he actually said was "that is Catholic indulgence". Then went into the Reformation Movement by Martin Luther, and how he found the Catholic to be indulgent with the Vatican and stuff. And from then on he looks at me like I have lost my mind.

Well, I don't feel like I have lost my mind. I even told my friend Becky who was here also today, and whose house has been on the market for 9 months. She said "order me one of those things". So I gently told Becky that you have to believe that St. Joseph will really help you in selling your home.

I'm just trying to cover all bases, so the burial will take place this weekend. And I will go dutifully out there and repeat my scripted prayer for nine days straight. I will probably do this after dark, just so my neighbors won't think I am wacko.

Now speaking of neighbors, there is one fellow in my neighborhood that would thwart my big plans - and try and uncover my St. Joseph, or turn him in the wrong direction, or take him out of his plastic burial bag, just to get my feathers ruffled. But fear not, no one, and I mean, no one, will actually know the exact burial site. This will be a well kept secret!!

So, on with the burial plans and the packing........I will sell my house in January!! Well, maybe the middle of February, but NO later than that.

Positive, Punitive, and Positioned - yes, it will happen.

It's a Wonderful Life!

Peace!

The Grinch Who Stole Christmas!

OK, So I had a little get together for some High School friends, etal.

I had initial trouble that lingered long past dark. I haven't had gas for 6 days. Finally a plumber came out and began the job Friday - Noon. This consisted of gathering up the 62 feet of pipe, plus materials, plus rental of a ditch wench to dig the ditch thru the Magnolia roots. We (and I use that term loosly!) had to cut down a Nandina tree to get to the meter. This job was involved and time consuming and expensive - to the tune of $2900 - you  know I have no secrets and tell no lies.

My party to begin at 7pm. The plumbers were still here working - still no gas. No big deal - I can deal so long as I have water and electricity - gas, I thought was optional. Well, let me tell you sports fans, to not have hot water is a little awkward. You have to shower all over town at friends and neighbors homes. You can't really wash dishes - and if it gets cold, well you are just shit out of luck.

The plumbers were "on call" for Saturdays. The were a little disgruntled at first with my communication with them. By the end of the night I gave the main guy (there were 4) one of my nerve pills. I offered them appetizers and cocktails. The wife which stayed the duration, Tiffany, accepted. So Tiffany and I had a few Cape Cod cocktails together and complained about working on Saturday. But my gratitude was big! 

I thought this appropriate considering the fact that I have not had hot water or heat for SIX days. I have taken showers in 4 different places in 6 days - I STINKED, STANK AND STUNK the skipped days.

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You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch. You really are a heel.
You’re as cuddly as a cactus. You’re as charming as an eel.
Mr. Grinch! You’re a bad banana with a greasy black peel!

You’re a monster, Mr. Grinch. Your heart’s an empty hole.
Your brain is full of spiders. You’ve got garlic in your soul.
Mr. Grinch! I wouldn’t touch you with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole!

You’re a vile one, Mr. Grinch. You have termites in your smile.
You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile.
Mr. Grinch! Given the choice between the two of you I’d take the seasick crocodile!

You’re a foul one, Mr. Grinch. You’re a nasty-wasty skunk
You’re heart is full of unwashed socks, your soul is full of gunk
Mr. Grinch! The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote:
STINK, STANK, STUNK!

You’re a rotter, Mr. Grinch. You’re the king of sinful sots.
Your heart’s a dead tomato splotched with moldy purple spots.
Mr. Grinch! Your soul is an appalling dump-heap overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable, mangled up in tangled up knots!

You nauseate me, Mr. Grinch, with a nauseous super “naus”!,
You’re a crooked jerky jockey and you drive a crooked hoss.
Mr. Grinch! You’re a three decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce!

They finished at 10PM and now I have hot water. The plumber decided to join our party. William is one of those strange characters, but a nice guy. It looked like a crime scene in my backyard. Major ordeal.

Here are some pics of the plumber that lingered.

My friend Brian, played the piano and was in rare form - could it be the plumber had inspired him? Seems as if to me if the plumber had enjoyed a Christmas Party and he partook of some adult beverages and food, he could have at least cut me a deal on the jumbo bill.

But now my pipes are safe and sound for the future owners of my home.

Some pics:

It's a wonderful life! Merry Christmas!

Peace!