It's a Wonderful Life!!

The Fry-Day Drama

Some things are certain in life. The sun comes up, work, income taxes are due, and the sun goes down. Then in betwixt and in between some days are quite pleasant and some are filled with drama.

Yesterday was drama.

I knew my brother was having some trouble. It all started with some suspicions that things were amiss. His wife left him and cleared out the house. The only furniture he has is his bedroom set and Andrew's bedroom set. She took all the sheets, left 2 flimsy towels, everything - cleared out. This was not unexpected. Everyone in the family and some close friends knew her agenda for several years. But I have to hand it to her - I couldn't have put up with my brother and his addiction problems for as long as she did. So, I can't fault her one bit.

I agreed to pay his bills and meet his basic needs. At first I would give him a company check to buy groceries and gas. Then I realized that was not working - there was little food in their house and he was always out of gas, but going nowhere.....This was my first red flag.

So, I gave him a company credit card with his name on it with a $500 credit limit and set up with the credit card company that he was to get no cash out. I thought that amount of money would buy groceries and gas for a month. My thought initially was  I just wanted to meet his basic needs. I did not want to enable his addiction. So......the credit card company called on Wednesday to say that they suspected fraudulent charges. It was the same charge for Wal-Mart and a drug store of $53.50 that alerted them. Plus the fact that he was going to the same gas station several times a day. Later I found out he was buying phone cards for his dealer in exchange for drugs.

He had not answered my calls for 3 days, plus Andrew said he was laying in  bed all day depressed. The whistle was now blowing and I knew he was in full blown relapse. What distresses me the most is that I was the enabler. I tried so hard to take the correct precautions and to just meet his basic needs. But let me tell you folks, drug addicts are a step ahead of us normal folks! They are smart and cunning. They can find the back door to the alley and slip thru in a moments notice and not even blink an eye. To put it bluntly, they are liars. And the drug is the devil.

It made me think of this tune which I loved in the 70's:

So, I made a visit to his house, and sure enough, he was laid up, depressed, and not even able to carry on a cohesive conversation with me. He hadn't had a bath in 3 days and things were bleak. I was concerned to say the least.

What was I to do? He had previously told me that his Psychiatrist was drug testing him every 2 weeks and offered to bring me proof. The proof never came. So here it was Friday at noon - I figured Psychiatrists take off on Fridays - but I called his office and a woman called me back. I told her the details and said I didn't know if I could get him in. She started talking things like suicide, involuntary commitment, and yadda yadda. I became even more concerned. She told me if I could get him to the office, the doctor would see him.

I went back over there and fortunately he gave me little resistance. He would not take a shower, but he agreed to go. Now all this previously was drama to me, but let me tell you folks, the drama was in the Psychiatrists office. I found out he had only seen this man twice in November 06 - he was an hour late to the first appointment, 15 minutes late to the second appointment and never came to the third appointment. He had only been drug tested twice. NOT EVERY OTHER WEEK.

He was prescribed heavy doses of a medication that the Psychiatrist said worked on the same chemicals in the brain as cocaine. Plus something to take the edge off (jitters) and something to help him sleep. We re-scheduled for next Friday and we were on our way home with Allen armed with a hand full of homework - recovery work. He advised him to go to meetings and work a spiritual program. I was thinking - yea, right - that is going to happen......

We dropped the prescriptions off at the pharmacy and I dropped him off to take a shower. And I was off to my normal life of picking up Mr. Man from extended care school.

Mr. Man and I had a date last night so I asked Allen to go with us. He did, but he had the jitters bad. He bounced his legs up and down the whole movie and ate a whole bag of Reece's Pieces - you know the big bags you get at the theater's, not the .99 bag at the convenience store. On the way home we went to get the prescriptions.

So, as the Drama unfolded - I prayed - and asked God to guide me to make the correct decisions. I asked friends to pray. I have a certain peace that things went well, and he was able to get the help he needed for that day. Today is another day!

I will pray for more peace! And healing! And discernment!

Thanks be to God! Our peacemaker and our healer!

The Entertainer

I spent the greater part of Friday with my good friend Brian. We graduated from High School together and have been close for several years now. He is a professional entertainer and has a work schedule I could only dream about! Playing the piano and going to parties - what a life!

He has 1300 songs in his repertoire. His hands move so gracefully over those black and white keys, effortlessly- it is amazing. God has truly gifted him in extraordinary ways with this talent. Brian has favorites - the year 1939 is his favorite - all the oldies but goodies. Even though I am not a musician, if I know the words, I don't mind singing along. He loves to play "name that tune". We have been doing this for so long, he often trips me up, but I know alot of his favorites. My all time favorite is "Summertime". So that is always my request.

Here is Fantasia, American Idol Winner for Season 3 in 2004. She gives a fabulous performance:

For us lovers of that era, you just can't beat Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong's rendition. This is an excerpt from a music review from NPR about the musical "Porgy and Bess":

"Set in the fictitious slum of Catfish Row in 1912 Charleston, S.C., Porgy and Bess tells the story of Porgy, a crippled black man, and his attempts to rescue Bess from her pimp, Crown, and her drug dealer, Sportin' Life. It was a commercial failure on its first Broadway run, but was eventually regarded a classic from one of America's most important composers, blending traditional black church music, chords from Gershwin's Jewish heritage and quintessential American jazz."

This story could be from today - a classic! My Goodness gracious, I could have read those story lines in the Sunday paper!

So, for us purists:

'Nuff said........

But back to Friday. I sort of go off on tangents sometimes, those wandering mindless times I enjoy!

Tina, etal, were leaving for Germany on Saturday and I wanted to give her a couple of Brian's CD's. Tina's Tonto Freida (misspelled, I'm certain), I think Tonto translates to Aunt, was here one night when Brian was playing. She couldn't speak a word of English, but we all knew she loved Brian!! I asked Brian over for lunch and if he could bring a CD. Tina came by quickly and promised to pass it along.

To know Brian is to love him......he spent the afternoon and evening with me from there. He was in rare form and we had so many laughs! Who got a call from Governor Haley Barbour?? Well, Brian did (me too!) and he was imitating the Governor! "Hello, this is Governor Haley Barbour, this is to inform you of impending weather in the Gulf of Mexico. DO NOT BE ALARMED. Watch your local weather for details" and some other mumbo jumbo.

We were on my patio - ambiance was pleasant, candles lit, kids played nice, good friends. Wild Walker was with Richard, so Leisa was solo for a few hours. Mr. Man begged for Emily to come over, he was even nice to her! Check out the hummingbird. I worked long and hard for that pic.

Then it started thundering and Wild Walker doesn't like thunder. Richard brought him back to Leisa and stayed for Brian's performance. He is in his element at the piano. I acquired this piano in a funny sort of way, back in my wilder youth.

My former husband was a bookie - yes, he bartered and traded if someone lost. So - to someone else's misfortune, it was my piano. Oh, my goodness, maybe I should now donate it........but I like to play, and I really like for Brian to play. So, I think I will keep it for now. So Richard (Leisa should really marry this guy - but she just won't even discuss it), brought Wild Walker over and things picked up around here. It would have been unbearable if it weren't for the entertainment!

And guess what, I captured it all.......the good, the bad and the ugly! My 14 year old Alex, absolutely loves Brian - so he hangs out by his feet when he plays. If the song is fast, he scratches to the tune - REALLY!

The sweetest Church Lady in the world, Diane, has nothing to fear about Mr. Man getting a head start on his piano lessons. But he does like to sit at the piano and "pretend" - it just come out like banging - not too sure if he is gifted in the piano?? We'll see. I tried to get the red out of Wild Walker's eyes - it just didn't work. Hummmmmmm.

It was a memorable night - and Mr. Man and I were sawing logs by 10pm.

So, my many thanks to my dear friend, Brian!

It's a Wonderful Life!

Peace!

The Drama....and the Gift.

Some things never cease to amaze me. Today will be my therapy to get my mind straight. I search for verses that give me hope.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you." Jer. 29:11- 14a

I wrote the beginning of this verse on a small piece of paper some 13 years ago. That piece of paper is under a clear magnet on my refrigerator. It looks worn and a bit tattered, the colors of my squiggly lines have faded. I read this everyday. I know God has plans for me.

But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit. Jer. 17:5-8

Through family and business trouble I have always been able to lay my head down at night and know that I have done the right thing. I prayed and asked God to direct me in all I did. When things looked bleak, I turned it over to God to handle. I would be remiss if I said I never worried. At first, yes - alot - but as time went on and the path became clearer, I did not spend my time with idle worry. I knew that with every passing day we were given the ability to make our financial commitments come to pass. This gave me strength and confidence. We pressed on and looked forward to a new day.

My smart and funny bookeeper, Trish, marvels every Thursday night when we work. We cut business checks to our creditors and when she leaves, it is ALWAYS a negative balance. I tell her, "It will come in, God is blessing this business". She has worked with me for over a year now, and without fail, the money has come in every week. NOT ONE WEEK have we been in want.....

My pondering today lends me to one question. I know there is no answer, but often I wonder: WHY IS THERE SO MUCH TROUBLE WITH ALLEN? WHY IS OUR FAMILY BROKEN APART, WHEN ALL WE DID WAS TRY OUR BEST TO GET ALLEN THE BEST HELP AND KEEP THE BUSINESS AFLOAT??

Does he not remember in November 2005 his begging me to get him into treatment. He had nailed the doors and windows shut to his house and moved big pieces of furniture in front of the doorways. Does he not remember that I researched the best treatment centers all over America and flew him to Hazelden in Portland, Oregon.

Does he not remember that I was left to account for the huge debt and creditors phone calls, not to mention the horrible relationship with our suppliers? Does he not realize that I made financial arrangements and tried to patch the lies he told? Does he not remember that this business was started by my father in 1979 and it WAS a thriving business? Well, I could in all reality go on and on. I thought he would be humble. But instead he became like a viper. He came to my house one day (with the Motherly Unit here and Sha) and ransacked my house - the police were called and I filed charges for family disturbance. I have filed telephone harrassement charges against him. I was advised to protect myself, my son, my guests and my home. These were dark times.

This is a wonderful song from a jolly old fellow named Louis Armstrong, please watch/listen -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbqZde1_zSQ "Nobody Knows the Trouble I've Seen"

We met with attorneys today, his demeanor was calmer! That was an answered prayer, because the last attorney encounter was screaming and cursing from him. We were shocked, horrified, and embarressed. I can't see how things turned so UGLY, but they did.

My intention with this blog site was to bypass this drama in my life. But I just can't today. I am so sad that my mother feels like she has forever lost her son. I can not even imagine. I am so sad that my brother that I was once so close to, now hates me. His eyes were filled with so much hate and evil - it didn't even look like the Allen I once knew.

I do not try and hide all this as a secret. I wish God would point out my wrong-doing. Show me the error of my ways......

I know there is a reason, probably a perfectly logical one, for this long and drawn out fiasco. Maybe I can help someone else with a soured family releationship. Maybe Allen in some unlikely event will come to know the Great Healer. Maybe it is a test of my faith and endurance under duress. Whatever the reason, I know that all things come from God, all circumstances are under his control. This is my GIFT from God. May I be worthy.

Patiently I wait....

My Two Rose Day!

Mother's Day started out in the usual way, the routine with which we are comfortable and accustom. Mr. Man and I got up & met the Motherly Unit and brother Lee for worship. We were walking in and the M.U. turned to Lee and said "this is a very different service!". I just had to chuckle and raise eyebrows at the brother. He chuckled in acknowledgment. She prefers a more traditional good ole Presbyterian service. She decided to break tradition and join us. It was a great service, and the music was outstanding as usual. Our associate pastor David gave the message. He is a wonderful Christian man that loves God and this is evident in his demeanor. I look up to David for many reasons, but mostly the fact that he is a devoted father. I love Tu also, David's wife, she is a worker bee that just doesn't stop. You know the type, boundless energy - where does that come from - with 3 kids, elderly parents living at home and a husband. I dare say that her days are full! David's sermons are raw and heartfelt. The polish will come with more experience!

In the fellowship hall I heard my name from across the hall - it was Eloise and Charlie, a couple that were on staff at Cursillo #50 (the best ever!). Their daughter, Tammy Mansfield (more about her later), worships with me at Parkway. It was wonderful to see them and I got a big hug!

We were at Crecheles at 11:00 for lunch. I had the fried shrimp - not as good as Chesterfields, but nonetheless wonderful. You know I feel most food is wonderful! We were greeted by Nick with a long stem peach colored rose. The great disappointment was the Lemon Ice Box Pie. It is usually to die for, but today, it was droopy and sad. We ordered one piece of pie for the 4 of us in honor of daddy - it was his favorite.

The Motherly Unit, Mr. Man, the Brother and I went to the matinee of Cats this afternoon. We love shows and on our trips to NY to visit family we try to see as many as possible and as many as out pocket books will afford. Parkway was well represented with Jennifer Hart being the musical director and Tammy Mansfield the lead as Grizabella, The Glamour Cat. She has an astounding voice and can really belt it out. She sang "Memories" - which the Motherly Unit commented that she was as good as Grizabella on Broadway. That is a great compliment considering this is a local production. HCLO really does an outstanding job. Our very on Tim Breland is President. As we were leaving the theater this afternoon they handed every mother a single, long stem fragrant red rose. My two favorite songs were in the production were "Memories" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJHzoAmA8Ec and "The Rum Tum Tugger" played by Ben Matheny http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LNCbharr18U. Mr. Man was mesmerized and paid complete attention. We sat with Hudson and his 2 mommies, Kathy and Susan. It was a perfect way to spend my Mothers Day afternoon. I came home and went straight for my pajamas!

The day would not be complete without my reflections and thoughts about my Mother. I have the greatest Mother! We have not always gotten along in my 46 years of life. I think probably all teenage girls dislike their mother. Hate is much too strong of a word. I don't HATE!! But over the years she has become my best friend. We don't always think alike, but she certainly respects my opinion and does not force her judgments on me. I so appreciate that in my mom. Her way of thinking is too confining for me. I can't live within those constraints. I need more flexibility about things. She knows that about me. When I had WNV and in the hospital, she told me that I did not want her to leave the hospital. I have no memory of all that. She took great care of me....a mom caring for her wounded. I recuperated at her house for a month afterward. She has taught me many important lessons in life. She taught me to work hard. She taught me to care for others - my mother is nothing if she is not a caretaker. This has gotten me in trouble at times (especially in light of the fact that I married an alcoholic - yea right, I can change him!!). But I learned from those self taught lessons. I learned the value of standing on ceremony and tradition. I learned the importance of family and heritage. I learned the difference in a salad fork and a dinner fork (Ohhhhh, too well). I learned the value of saving money, even when I didn't make much. She taught me to appreciate the arts. She had me take piano lessons for 10 years, and no, I can't play a lick now, but I can read music.  She shared with me her love of travel. As a family we spent vacations in the car, driving from here to almost 40 states. She told me that a traveled person is a knowledgeable person. She taught me about Jesus and His Love for all mankind. She made me memorize the Westminister Shorter Catechism. I wasn't too thrilled at the time, but I did it out of respect for her. She taught me that some people are different and sameness would not lead to a varied and fulfilling life. I really could go on and on, but all this said, these are things I want to teach my son. These are the things I hold out as important. These are values and ideals that give life meaning. She is still teaching me things. She is an organizer. I wish I had that blood flowing thru my veins, but that is a struggle. I want to be like her!!! We depend on each other and we are happy. I am glad my mother and I are best friends.

I am a mom today and today was a great day. Mr. Man gave me a flower pot with a cut-out of a flower and his picture was the center of the flower. It is precious and I cherish it! It will find a niche somewhere special so I can remember this day, Mother's Day 2007.

Gratefully peaceful!

The Owl and the Weeping Pussy Willow

Today has been quite the adventure. I (tried) to call up an owl. It didn't work. Sometimes with a little luck and alot of "whoooooing" it does work. I really like to flaunt my expertise and call the owl in front of people when I am feeling a little happy, a little free.  I was happy this afternoon, and we heard the owl in the distance. I knew he was too far off - and it only works after dark. I think my brother was impressed by this talent he didn't realize I had.  Lee has been here this weekend and we have gotten in a good visit. It is good to have him here, albeit for a short time. It will never be enough time. Just prior to my contracting WNV last July, my mom and I were moving to Dallas to be closer to Lee and Remi. They are family and it would be great to live in closer proximity to them. But I found that alot of people love me here, and you just don't leave love so easily. That is an altogether topic of another blog - my gratitude for love!

I had a couple of guys to help me weed and clean out my flower beds and put mulch down - my neighbor Sid said it was about time!! There is one thing that really gets me off off in this world and that is to have a couple of nice young men working in my flower bed! Lee and I went to Wal-Mart (yuk!) and got 8 bags of top soil and Matt went somewhere and got 3/4 of a pallet of mulch. He said I got a deal because he only paid for 1/2 pallet, but they started loading and guess they felt happy and generous and overloaded his truck. This is God's favor hard at work. I have been reading too much Joel O'steen lately, but good things like that happen all the time.

I directed and they worked - now understand I have no control issues, but it was kinda fun. They moved some daylillies, pulled up some straggling Japanese Rice Paper plants, trimmed the boxwood hedges and moved some of them. Put top soil around the boxwoods, then mulch. I re-potted 8 containers and broke up the overgrown Aloe Vera and Prayer plants. Everything was root-bound. Now they can breathe and regain their vigor that was lost over the winter.

I love plants and I love to work in the yard. This is the first year in a long time that I have not been affected by poison ivy - I get it every year and have to go visit Dr. Weible and get a shot. I haven't had the inclination to labor in my yard this spring. Things had gotten out of hand, and it looked like an overwhelming job I just couldn't tackle. Matt and Gavin knocked it out in 4 hours. Digging in the soil and planting and watering is a spiritual thing with me. I feel earthy - I like to get my fingernails dirty and feel the coolness of my sweat. Something akin to Mother Nature - I usually get obscessive about this. This year I skipped. I want to dig and play and work a little, but I really just want it done, then I will maintain and enjoy the fruits of Mother Earth.

The patio is almost ready.........I like the patio this time of year, I have some great memories there. My SISTERS and I have solved alot of problems there and it is comfortable. My favorite time is dusk dark. It is time to light the candles, sit and relax, and reflect on the day. Days are filled with rush and time constraints - everyone needs a patio to soak up the day, bask in its beauty, drink from the cup.

My cultured Blackberry bush is really producing some big, juicy, tart blackberries. I used to love my Mamaw's blackberry cobbler. It was really to die for. There was nothing better than making the obligatory trek to North 19th Avenue on Sunday afternoon and having watermelon in the backyard, followed by blackberry cobbler. I so fondly remember my papaw sitting there with his muscle undershirt and telling Mamaw to get the grandbabies a little Coke in the bottle. They always kept a case of the little Cokes for us. They were ice cold and quite delicious. My cousins and I would sit in their backyard and make necklaces out of clover - you know that stuff that used to grow in yards that has the white fuzzy top. We call it a weed now. It has a sturdy stem, just perfect to put your finernail through to split it apart and attach another clover stem. Thus a necklace from Mother Earth. Those were the innocent virginal days.

Lee helped in all this hoopala this afternoon. He hung my box filled with gardening tools that my Uncle Jr. made me for Christmas. He also got down the last of the Hurricane Katrina debris - a dead Magnolia limb that was wedged on a limb. I have looked out my kitchen window at that dead limb since Katrina and I am so glad he was able to pry it loose. He watered the grass and new transplants along with the boxwoods. He played ball with Mr. Man. I told Lee that as long as Mr. Man has a ball in his hands, that all is well with the world. So, they played ball.

Matt called me over to the flower bed this afternoon and pointed at a strange tree. He asked what in the world was that. I said that is my Weeping Pussy Willow Tree. He didn't ask me the name of anything else. He seems pretty knowledgeable about plantings and does this part time for a living. I just thought everyone knew what a Weeping Pussy Willow Tree looks like. My Morman boyfriend reluctantly planted it for me - my sweet Starling, a couple of years ago. I miss my Morman Boyfriend. I wish he would come around more often.

I love a Saturday that is filled with work and accomplishments. Today fit perfectly in with my master plan of organization. I have much work ahead of me, but by and by it is coming together. I got alot done on Thursday night also. My smart and funny bookeeper Trish was here and she worked and I plowed thru my last "stack" of problems. Not that all my problems are solved, granted, they keep coming, but tackling a problem stack does feel good.

Tomorrow is Mothers Day - Lee and the Motherly Unit will meet Mr. Man and I at the early service. It will be good to worship with my family! Mr. Man told me today that he made me something. I can't wait to see it......It will be the best gift in the world, made with his still small hands and eyes of wonder! Life is good.

Couple of fav

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXdNnw99-Ic Wish You Were Here - Pink Floyd.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ntm1YfehK7U Time - Pink Floyd. This is PF at their best! I love the music, but the video a recording of a live concert...not the best quality.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mStRP0yyTKo Shine on You Crazy Diamond - Pink Floyd. Written as a tribute to Syd Barrett, one of the original founding members of Pink Floyd. He was guitarists & vocalists and wrote much of the original Pink Floyd music. He left the group after only 3 years due to his erractic behavior brought on by drug use, especially LSD and subsequent mental problems.

Peace and Love!!